I was born in Thomasville, NC on October 14th, 1977. Everyone knew at that time I was special but they didn't know how special I would become. From what I remember everyone said they knew something was wrong with me. I assume when I was around 6 months the Dr's informed my parents that I had cerebral palsy. My parents didn't know how to deal with this cause out of all 6 kids god decided to make me special. My father wasn't a good father he did some stuff that was questionable. I am not here to discuss my father, I don't take ill about the dead. Now if he was alive then that would be a different story. My mother bless her heart she had the most beautiful soul, she was loving, and caring. She loved everyone well almost everyone. I have 2 older sister's and we are not that close mainly due to age differences but this not about them. I had 3 brother's but god decided that it was time for them to come home. I always knew I was different but I never fully got the concept as to how until I was around 7 years old. I would remember other kids would make fun of me and I would come home crying to my mother or grandmother and they would tell me that this is how kids are, they know no better but as I get older it would get better. They where right. Me and mom moved to Georgia when I was 8 years old. We came to Georgia cause we wanted a different scenery and also my 2nd oldest sister was living here and my brother was living here too. Boy, was I happy I loved my brother Roy so much. He was my protector. He always told me that I would be someone and I can do anything that I wanted to do. My 2nd sister also told me that. Roy would not let anyone say any bad things about me if someone hurt me he would defend me. I miss him so much to this day. I was 8 years old when we came to Georgia. For a whole year everything was great, I had a best friend that accepted me as I was her name was also Melissa we where called the m&m's..hehe. My brother got in a car accident a year later and died I was so upset. It seemed like after my brother died everything went south. I wasn't that happy no more. I got really depressed and at that time I didn't really know what was wrong with me all I knew was that I was sad and missed my brother. My mother meet a nice man and he was so nice to her and she was so happy. They stayed together for 5 years before they got married. I was spiraling down hill and I was confused about everything and resented everything and everyone. I hate to admit this but during my pre-tween years I tried to commit suicide twice. My sister would say I was trying to get attention and yes in some ways I was. One the other side I was so sad and miserable and I couldn't talk to no one I felt like no one would take me seriously. I could talk to mom but she was always working to give me a good life and I didn't want to burden her more then she was. I feel bad about what I am going to say next. Till this day it hurts me to the bone and soul. My mother gotten married on July 5th 2002 and a week later I was in a hospital cause I tried to commit suicide. This was my 2nd time and I was hurt,angry,confused had no one really to talk to. While I was in the hospital my mother got sick and she went to the DR regarding her gums. They said she had cancer in her gums and then next month they where going to remove the cancer and give her chemo and she will get better. She told all of us this 2 days before my birthday this is Oct and her surgery was for Nov. Well she never got to have her surgery she went in for a post opt and they said the cancer had moved to a lot of places and the only thing they can do is give her radiation and chemo to try to kill some of it so she can have a little longer with us. Well god decided he wanted her back home with him. We only had 4 months with her til she passed away. My 2nd sister took me and mother in. It was a blessing and I knew at my age it was a lot of work for her to take care of mom and me. She did it with out complaining. I got worst I was at that time self-harming my self and it helped I was in control. No one knew that I knew of. I also did some drugs with some so call friends I was 14 yrs old at the time. For crying out loud my mother just died and I felt more alone then I ever had. I felt resentments from my sister's. Our family was around mourning mom and saying there last good bye's. I felt like everyone was ignoring me. I am not going to discuss my mother's funeral. I still have issues as to how I was treated and what happen. I had the option to stay with my sister's. I decided on my 2nd sister cause my 1st sister already had kids,husband and a life in NC. I felt like I would be a bother. I lived with my 2nd sister and it was so rocky. I felt like she didn't understand me, wanted me, love me. We where always arguing. So I ran away. Went into the states custody within 6 month of mom passing away. Only stay with 1st older sister on Christmas. Stay with 2nd older sister when I had no where to go when the group home closed down once a month. I got a rude awaking I thought my 1st sister wanted me to stay with them during Christmas. I remember around the 2nd Christmas walking into her room to get something for her and I fount a letter from my caseworker saying something along the line here is some money to buy Melissa Christmas gifts. Here I thought she was going all out for me. And I was feeling bad cause of it. I guess I was wrong. Oh well. I stayed in this wonderful group home for 3 years and they helped me grow and come to terms on most stuff in my life. I went to church every wed and sun. I got baptized and made wonderful friends which I am still friends with till this day. I was still hurting but it lessen a little. I had a lot of friends in high school from the geeks to the populars. Everyone accepted my CP. I never accepted it. I almost let it defined me. I got over that a little. I graduated from high school my 2nd oldest sister and her husband came down. Next Blog will be: A glance back..into my 20's. So stay tune :). I know this going to upset some people but it is my right to say/do what I want. I have a voice. :) TTYL
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