I was supposed to
go to Faulkner University, but I didn't get to go. I had the opportunity
to go to Warm Springs, GA for 6 months before I go to college. In Warm Springs
they had a rehilbilation place for people with all kind of disabilities.
President Roosevelt used to live there because he thought the springs would
help with his polio. Any ways one of the main rules for me to go there was
that after 6 months I would have a place to go back to but with me being in the
state's custody and I was at 18 years old the group home said they wouldn't be
able to take me back in 6 months long enough for me to go to Faulkner
University. I stayed there for 2 months I loved it. I made friends, I was more
active then I have ever been. So I came back to the group home in august. They found
a place for me to stay is was a place for foster/group home kids to fizz out.
They would train the kids for a job or helped them get a job. I got a job at a
vending food company. Made good friends there meet my first husband we are
going to call him RB through mutual friends. We were friends for 6 months. We
decided to make it official. He was so loving and attentive toward me at first.
He acted like he was really concern for me and actually love me and liked me
boy was I a fool. We got married a year later. Here is the mess up part during
our relationship he was abusive and we were always arguing. I was going to
leave him cause I seen my mom went through it with my dad and I wasn't about to
go through it. Anyways I got really sick at this time I was living with a
friend I was really sick almost fainted they rushed me to the hospital. There I
found out I was pregnant I was in shock and disbelief. I told RB a couple of
days later he seemed ok with it. I found out from his sister that he went to
his parents crying and moaning about it. How it was my fault, I was trapping
him. When I found out I confronted him and we got into an argument. He tried to
deny it. It got so bad where I was sitting on the couch he kicked me with his
boot. He left, I cried I was scared didn't know who to tell cause at this time
I had no one all my friends where his. Well we got married in August 1998. I
guess the wedding was ok my family came out. I was so shocked because I wasn't
close to them. Everyone was awkward at the wedding. I was actually going to
leave the church before marring him. I was going to tell my sister's but for
some reason RB knew he came into the room where I was getting dress grabbed my
arm and told me in not uncertain way was I going to leave him and take
his"bastard" with me. I was so shaken up my sister's didn't even realize
it or didn't care. My future sister-in-law knew and she was gloating and
smiling to me in an evil way. His mother told me from the beginning that she
didn't like me I was beneath her precious son. The only reason she is allowing
this marriage is due to the baby. I was so rattled my uncle Ricky walked me
down the line. Uncle Ricky is my mother's baby brother. I really didn't know
him. As you get with my family for some ungodly reason we all were not close to
each other. Unless it was only me that they didn't want to get close to.
Anyways he knew something was up. He asked me what was wrong. I wanted to tell
him so bad to see if he would help me. I didn't say anything. As we were
walking down the aisle he told me if I didn’t want to marry RB he would take me
from here I was so tempted but I declined. We got married and had a reception.
We went to a nice hotel that was here in Valdosta for the weekend because we
both had to work Monday. All of my family members got together and we went out
to eat together as a family that hasn't happened in a very long time. My
grandmother hugged me and told me that my mom would be proud of me in heaven. I
was thinking if only grandmother knew. By the way she was my mother's mother.
They left we went onto our hotel room we didn't do anything special. Went to
work Monday. We lived in a trailer. Then we moved into a house within 2 months
of getting married. It was hell there he was always yelling at me and hitting
me. I was 3 months pregnant he was punching me so hard in my stomach I had to
be rushed to the hospital. I lost the baby. Well never less to say it got bad.
His sister and her family came to live with us I agree cause of the 2 kids I
didn't want them to live god knows where. They made it so hard his sister and
brother in law told RB lies about me and everything and he believed them and if
he was upset with them he took it out on me. They left thank god after that
they moved to Alabama. We were only married for 6 months at this time and it
felt like we had been married forever. We were at this time living a separate
life. We were still married living in same house. Well I got really sick and depressed
couldn't work due to it had to quit my job. It was like living in hell. I am
not going to get into all of this. His sister came back to live with us cause they
were coming back from Alabama. I tried to commit suicide. Went to the hospital
RB came into hospital room and informed me he wished I was dead and he left me
there alone. They finally let me go home around 2 am. I was so scared because I
thought he was going to have me committed.
I went home everyone was asleep. I went to the bedroom and went to
sleep. When I woke up he was sitting in the chair and he just stared at me. He
didn’t ask how I was or we didn’t talk about why I did it. He just told me that
if I pulled another stunt like that he would personally make sure I die this
time. Let me tell you after this I was in such a depression that no one got me
out of. We moved to NC a couple of month later. RB called my sister and I don’t
know what was said no one told me, if they did I don’t remember it. I really
didn’t want to go because I wasn’t close to my family and I didn’t really know
how they would act or what they would say. When we got there my 2nd
sister was nice. She and her husband helped us out in a big way and to this day
I have never told her how much I appreciated it. My brother-in-law got RB a job
with him. Well let’s just say this after a couple of month living in NC
everything changed and it wasn’t for the good. RB had my family believed I
treated him so bad. He made my family think that I made the choices even in
reality it was all him. When my sister came over to visit I couldn’t open the
door. He said he didn’t want to talk to a stuck up bitch. I tried to open the
door one time and he practically pulled me back so hard that I thought she
heard us. We went to church and that was the only time I could breathe. I know
people are saying why didn’t you leave him? I even asked my mom on time why she
didn’t leave dad and she said he had some type of hold on her and I didn’t
really understand now I do. I got a blood clot in December 2001 at first I
thought it was cause I pulled something in my leg after all it was my bad leg.
Went to the DR on a Friday and she sent me to get an ultrasound on my leg. I
went back to the DR and she said I had a full blown blood clot she set it up
that a home nurse would come and teach me how to give myself shots. I was put
on warfarin and shots. The nurse told us that if I started not to be able to
breath go to the ER asap. Saturday night not even a day after I was diagnose
with a blood clot I couldn’t breathe went and told RB and he said it was all in
my head. Sunday he went to church I couldn’t breathe my lips and fingers where
turning blue. My friend Melissa stayed with me while RB went to church. Nurse came
over and I was rushed to the hospital. They said the blood clot broken up from
my leg and went into both of my lungs. I was at the hospital in the ICU for
about 2 weeks. The DR even came in and told me if the blood clots don’t dissolve
they would have to send me to Baptist Hospital in Winston Salem. He said cause
they are doing all they can do. Hopefully they can do more at Baptist. RB even
told me he is praying every night that I would die. I was in and out. Thanks
god it finally dissolved. I was moved to a regular room. I went home I think
about a week or 2 later. They told me before I left that they found a tumor
attached to my right ovary and fallopian tube. I went to see a specialist at
Baptist and at that time in January it was the size of an orange. He said he
was scared to due surgery on me to remove it until I had passed the 6 month
mark since I had the blood clot and I was on warfarin. It could cause
complications whereas to me bleeding out while they do surgery. We waited but
we couldn’t wait that much longer with a month in half it went from size of
orange to a baseball size. I had surgery in March 2002. I don’t know how long
it took. I do remember the nurses said I was out for so long after the surgery
I didn’t wake up and they were scared. Somehow I woke up. My family was there
and so was RB. I was there for about 2 weeks. I went home with orders to rest
and not to try to move so I wouldn’t rip the stitches out. I got home and I
couldn’t rest. Well in May 2002 I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to
death because the Dr's told me to not get pregnant wait for at least 6 months I
told RB and he was happy. I thought it was for a good reason but he said now I
would die and so would the unwanted baby. We came back to GA in 2003. It was
hell let’s say that. RB and his family made my life a living in hell. The only
ones that I loved in that family was his niece and nephews and to this day I
still do. We are going to fast forward to 2009. This the year where RB terror
over me had ended. In March 2009 we moved into a trailer right across from his
mother I should have put my foot down but I didn’t and now I am glad I didn’t because
I wouldn’t be where I am at now. We moved into the trailer I was working for a
job where I could work from home at this time I had been at this job for 3
years and I loved it. We were always arguing and he was hurting. His mother was
getting involved and it got worse because he was a momma boy. What put an end
to it was. We were arguing and he actually had me on the ground trying to
strangle me to death somehow I got up was running and he caught me and I went
through the lass screen door he actually pushed/through me through a glass
door. Thanks god I wasn’t hurt that much. I spring my ankle and had little cuts
but other than that I was fine. I called my 2nd sister and practically begged
her to help me. I didn’t tell her what was going on cause I didn’t know if she
would believe me. She offer and I was supposed to call her back a couple of
days later. I didn’t because RB was watching me. My friends came over on day
and we were having a good time but they notice that I changed and they asked if
I was ok. RB came in and he didn’t look happy to see them so he went over to
his mom’s house. I made up an excuse for them to leave. We made plans for them
to come back the next day. When RB came back home we had a fight and argue and
I begged him to let me leave. I told him I didn’t love him anymore. Well he
went to work my friends came over I was making plans with them to leave RB. Let
me say he gave
me my wish I never seen him since then. MY 2nd sister
helped me with getting a U-Haul truck. I had to stay at the trailer for a week
due to my job. RB and his step father made it a living hell for me so needless
to say my friends helped me to move. I went to stay with them for a couple of
months.
Next Blog will be: When one door closes another opens.
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